Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Art Journaling-Thoughts about my father. Love and Forgiveness........

I have been going through ancestor pictures to make more ATCs
For next year's gifts for my family. I started gathering pictures of 
my father, who passed away in 1999. I was astounded at the pictures that I came across. 
I did not even know that I had them. They were pictures that I
had never even looked at before.  With all the abuse I went through
as a child, these pictures did something to my heart.  I wanted to 
completely forgive him. The pictures of him as a
 child began to affect the way I viewed him.
 I was realizing  that he too was once a child and he
was abused and neglected by his mother. His father abandoned him.
I started praying to God to help me truly forgive him. 

The picture of my dad playing in the sand was the picture
that effected me the most. My father was so incredibly handsome.
My father had a high IQ, was highly creative and talented.
My mother fell head over heals for him. But she had no idea that he
drank. He was a very mixed up guy and he fell short to handle difficult
 situations on many occasions.... But there was this good, funny
part of my father that I loved. It was plain to see that he
was a walking civil war inside of himself.
 I went through days of strange emotions. I battled these Love/Hate
emotions toward him, his mother and his father.
 Finally, I asked God to please  help me forget the bad
and remember the things that were good in him.

On a Monday night, I went to my art room and found a 
folded letter in the middle of my art table.. I opened it and
realized  it was an old letter from my father. I had NO IDEA
how it got there!   The letter had no date, but with my brother's help, 
 we figured that  it was probably at least 25 years old. 
Strangely, I could not ever remember reading it before.
In the letter, he was asking me to forgive him.
It instantly brought tears to my eyes. I cried for some time.
Then, I asked everyone in the house if they had put it there. 
No one knew how it got there! 
 Now I do not believe that ghosts can move things.
I am sure that it got there by some means that I can not 
explain but the "how" it got there was not as important to me
as to "why" and "when" it got there.
 My father was an artist and my art table
would have been the most appropriate place to find this from him.
I put the letter in a special envelope with a ribbon attached so
that it would not be lost.

Why couldn't I remember 
reading this letter that I had probably kept for 25 years or more?
In the letter, my father also told me how much he loved me. 
These were words I needed from him.
I do believe that God had a hand in the letter ending up there on 
my art table. I feel now that I can truly forgive him and love
him for the good things about him. 
in this case-FORGIVENSS!


  1. What a wonderful way to express your growth. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Many wounds heal from time. Many wounds do not. I know that most in the family have had a difficult time in forgiving him for a number of different things. I know my own father struggled with things he did. I also know he loved him very much and wanted the best for him. I find it comforting to know you have stuggled with fogiving but have done so. Heavenly Father Loves his children and I think your story proves that very clearly. May the Good Lord be with you and your family always! Adam Allison (Grandson of Jack William Allison son Of Jack William Allison Jr.)

    1. Thank you for your post. It is a true story and I knew that I had to journal it.